the picture has changed

I finally seen something on Oprah that I can relate to. The topic was spirituality. After Chad's death I had a new sense of spirit. You look at life in a whole new way after something like that happens to you! So anyways, Oprah had a family on there who lost a son, he was a twin brother and had a younger sister also. They talked about how they had pictured their life, as a family, to be. And right then I understood what they were talking about. Even though Chad and I had our fall out (which I know could have been solved after taking control of my stubborn side)We had plans. He had told me that once our son was born we would get married, get a house, and we would be staying around this area. We had a picture painted of what life WAS gonna look like. But on that March 28th morning my picture changed forever, it's not going to be the picture we had painted together, it was going to be by far different. But now I have to paint a new picture in my mind, a picture that has fun and exciting things for my kids and I. Boy, let me tell you, somedays are HARD. So hard that I don't want to leave the house. I can't even begin to explain the pain the heartache you feel, but one thing I do know is that I am very thankful I have my kids. I don't know what kind of road I would take if they weren't here!!